Springfield Godfathers
by IcyKali
Summary: Maggie ends up separated from the Simpsons. She is found, and taken in by, the four Mafia soldiers (Legs, Louie, Johnny Tightlips, and Frankie the Squealer), who don't recognize her. A Take-off of 'Tokyo Godfathers'. R&R, please!
1. Becoming a Foundling

**Author's Note:** This story is a take-off of _Tokyo Godfathers. _I'm writing this story for all you Springfield Mafia fans out there! I know you exist, out there.

Enjoy!

Springfield Godfathers

It all started on a wonderful Christmas Day; there was a dusting of white over Springfield, a powdery snow was falling down from the sky, the Simpsons' Christmas tree had not melted nor caught fire (more than once). Oh, and there was also an incredibly boring Church session.

In the pews, the Simpsons were huddled together in the back, where everyone except for Homer hoped Reverend Lovejoy couldn't hear his snoring.

"Homer… Homer!" Marge whispered, "If you don't stop dreaming of donuts and drooling, I won't let you open your presents for another hour!"

Homer just kept on sleeping, until Bart muttered into his ear, "Moe's Tavern happy hour," and he woke right up.

"Woohoo! Oh, wait, church? Aww."

Afraid that her husband would interrupt the rest of the church, Marge decided to get Homer out of there ASAP.

"Homer, why don't you take Maggie with you to get some new diapers? Because of your misbehavior, I'm giving you diaper duty for the rest of the day. You can pick us up here in an hour."

"Anything's better than listening to Mr. Drone-y up there," said Homer, and he quickly scooped up Maggie and got in the car.

Homer drove to the Kwik-E-Mart, hoping that he could buy some freshly re-sprinkled donuts while there, but when he pulled into the lot in front, he saw a notice posted to the store-front glass that wasn't advertising Christmas discounts, but was instead a little white piece of paper with black writing in several types of fun fonts on it.

He ran up to it. "Hm… Ooh, it's a contest! Whoever gets the first clear photo of Springy, the Springfield monster living in the water outside the Squidport gets… Ten thousand dollars! That's almost enough to pay off the fire damage to Mr. Smithers' apartment I caused!" Homer quickly ran back to his car, forgetting why he had come to the convenience store in the first place. "Maggie, buckle up your baby seat, we're going to the Squidport!"

* * *

Homer broke the speed limit five times just to shave off a few seconds from his driving time, and when he got there, he drove right through the pedestrian waterfront Mall, nearly killing several people, so he could park right next to the water.

"Alright, now where's that paparazzo camera? I think it's in the glovebox here….Aha! I'm right, as usual," said Homer triumphantly. "Now. Maggie, you stay right here while daddy takes a photo of the giant monster, okay?" Homer left, unthinkingly leaving the door open.

Now, Maggie wasn't one to just sit around in a car and wait for hours, so she slithered like a snake and wriggled out of her booster seat, and crawled out onto the docks. She crawled up onto of some barrels, through some hanging fish hooks (losing her bow and ripping her snuggie in the process), and finally, when she started getting cold, into a warehouse, labeled the 'INCONSPICOUS LOADING AREA: WHERE WE DO NOT PERFORM SMUGGLING OR BOOTLEGGING.' She crawled into the corner, behind some barrels that were inside. She heard some people talking, so she peeked out to watch them. She saw four men, stacking up some of the barrels.

Maggie didn't know who they were. They were the four Mafia soldiers, and the barrels in the warehouse said 'Doff Beer' on them.

"So, uh, what's in this knock-off beer again?" said Frankie the Squealer, who was wearing an open shirt (in winter, of all times).

"It's just colored vegetable oil and human urine," said Johnny Tightlips.

Frankie, shocked and disgusted, accidentally knocked a barrel over, nearly crushing Maggie, who rolled away just in time.

"Oh, great, now look what you did!" said Louie. He grabbed Frankie, getting ready to punch him in the face. "You're lucky the Boss ain't with us now!"

Maggie, suddenly, started to wail; she couldn't find her pacifier anywhere, her father was gone, and the sound of mobsters arguing was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Fortunately for Frankie the Squealer, when the Mafia goons heard her crying, they stopped what they were doing. All four walked over to where she was sobbing in the corner.

"Who would abandon a baby here, of all places?" said Legs. "There's no note to go with her, or nothing!"

"Maybe she's one of Johnny's illegitimate children," said Frankie. Legs and Louie looked to Johnny Tightlips, but he neither confirmed nor denied the truth of that statement, so they just let it slide.

"Well, what should we do? It's not like we can take 'er to the police. Tony says bribe money doesn't grow on trees," said Louie.

"Well, we could take care of her," said Legs.

"I ain't shootin' no defenseless baby!"

"No, I meant literally take care of her, like '3 Godfathers,' or somethin'."

"Well, this would be four of them, right?" said Frankie, grinning.

"No," said Johnny Tightlips, "you don't count as a man."


	2. Father Figure

The four of them decided to go back to their club, the Legitimate Businessman's Social Club, instead of going to the police. They set Maggie down on the table they used for playing poker, and tried to figure out why she was crying.

"Maybe she's hungry? Can we find something non-alcoholic, that's also legal in here?" Legs asked. The others doubted it.

"Hey, Frankie," said Louie. "You're married, don't you know how to care for a kid?"

"Uh…" the squealer, for once, wasn't talking.

"I guess that's a 'no', then."

Maggie, fed up with the men's lack of sense, slunk down from the table, crawled near the bar, and stuck a champagne cork in her mouth to suck on. Afterwards, she immediately relaxed.

"So she needed one of those paci-thingies," said Louie. "You know, why don't one of us just take her to the police in a disguise? It's not like they're smart enough to recognize us."

"No, wait!" said Frankie. "Uh, it sure is weird for you to say that, Louie. You're the most feminine one of us, I'm surprised you're not jumpin' at the chance to—Agh!" that time, Louie did punch him in the face.

"Alright," Louie said, angrily. "Because a' that comment, you get to change all her diapers!"

But Frankie didn't seem all that upset; in fact, he looked pretty pleased. He picked up Maggie, and held her in his arms. She looked nervous, but calmed down when he started rocking her a little.

"You're like what I'd want in a daughter," he said. Legs and Louie were somewhat puzzled by this, while Johnny Tightlips just looked annoyed.

Suddenly they got a call, which Legs answered. It was Fat Tony.

"Hello, Legs," he said. "I believe that the bartender owes us money now. Why don't you go… pick it up?"

"Sure thing, Fat Tony," said Legs, who then hung up.

"Alright, which one of youse wants to go rough up Moe Syzslak wit' me?"

"Uh, I'll do it," said Frankie. "I'd rather not stay with either of them." He pointed to Johnny and Louie, both of whom looked angry at him.

* * *

Frankie the Squealer took Maggie with him on their 'excursion' to Moe's Tavern. When they entered the bar, Moe immediately got nervous. There weren't any patrons in the bar; everyone, even Barney, had better things to do than drink on Christmas.

"You owe our boss a hundred bucks," said Legs, using his intimidating voice, while Frankie put Maggie down on Moe's pool table.

"Hey," said Frankie, "is it okay if I keep her here while you get the money, Legs?"

"Shuddap, Frankie, you're ruining the tone!"

Moe and Maggie looked at each other, instantly recognizing each other. Moe wasn't lying when he said they a bond.

"That ain't your kid! She's M—" shouted Moe, angrily. Legs and Frankie were both surprised, and Maggie looked afraid. Moe realized that maybe it was a better idea to conceal her identity. "She's uh… much to pretty to be yours!" He pointed to Frankie.

"Just give us the money!" Frankie yelled back.

Moe may be greedy, but he was no idiot. He handed over the cash, and after Legs and Frankie left (Frankie giving him an angry look), he immediately called the Simpsons. When that didn't work, he called the police. It was Officer Eddie who answered.

"Listen," said Moe, "it's an emergency here! Maggie Simpson—you know the Simpsons, right? Homer has a pretty big record… anyway, their youngest daughter was kidnapped by the Mafia!"

"Ah, that does sound like an emergency," said Eddie. "I'm afraid the department is pretty busy right now. Our chief is injured…. Well, we'll try to get on it right away. Thank you."

Moe hung up. He was pretty irate; for once, the incompetency of the police department was working against him.


	3. Looking Back

Meanwhile, back at the Club, Johnny Tightlips and Louie were smoking cigarettes.

"The squealer seemed real eager to keep that baby," said Louie. "Would you know anythin' about it?"

Johnny took his cigarette out of his mouth, and gave Louie a sideways look. "I ain't sayin' nothing," he said.

Just then, the door was smashed open, and Officers Eddie and Lou burst in, each holding a gun.

"Freeze!" shouted Lou. "Release the baby!"

Louie and Johnny, shocked, looked at each other, before pulling guns themselves. The groups aiming their guns at each other, and just when it looked like that there would be a full-on shootout, Moe burst in with his homemade shotgun.

"Give her back this inst—wait, you guys actually answered my call?" Moe asked the police.

"Yeah, well, it is our job," said Lou.

That momentary distraction was just enough time for Louie to grab Johnny Tightlips, and run out the Club's back entrance.

Louie was a very fast runner, and he led Johnny through the streets.

"Where are we goin'?" asked Johnny, racing after him.

"I don't know, dammit! I wish Legs were wit' me, he'd know what t' do. Just run as far as you can!"

Eventually they ended up at Luigi's. They noticed a car parked outside - Principle Skinner's. Skinner was just getting in. The two mobsters knew exactly what to do. Johnny and Louie got into the back seat. Louie held his gun to Skinner's head.

"Don't ask any questions," said Johnny. "Just drive, and drive fast!"

Principal Skinner just sighed. He was clearly not having the world's best Christmas already. "There's no way I'll be able to explain to Mother why I'm late again," he said. Nevertheless, he drove into town.

"Just drop us off near the First Church of Springfield," said Johnny. "Nobody will think to look for us there."

Skinner did as he was told. Louie and Johnny got out of his car.

"Remember," said Louie. "If you decide to alert the authorities—tchkk." He made a cutting motion across his neck with his gun. Skinner nodded, and drove off. Louie and Johnny started walking down the sidewalk, which had a pile of dirty slush next to it. By now, the two of them were pretty exhausted.

"You think that baby wasn't abandoned after all?" asked Johnny.

"Well, if she wasn't," said Louie, "she must have really reckless parents. We might as well keep her. Anyway, we're already a crime syndicate, Johnny Tightlips. One more ain't gonna make a difference, as long as we have bribes to spare."

As they were talking, none other than Marge, Bart, and Lisa, still dressed for church, came up to them. Marge looked somewhat distraught.

"Excuse me, you two, have you seen my husband around? Our car is a sort of dull pink? He was supposed to pick us up an hour ago."

"Woah, who said anything about a husband," answered Johnny.

"Sorry, Mrs. Simpsons, we ain't seen him," said Louie.

The two Mafia soldiers kept walking, leaving Marge and the Simpson kids to get home on their own.

"Well, I guess we haveta call Legs and Frankie now, and tell 'em we got the cops after us," said Louie.

"Speakin' of Legs," said Johnny, "why ain't that your nickname? You run faster than any of us, and late Fat Tony told me you was a good dancer."

Louie looked down at the ground. "Well, Legs got that nickname when we was young, and back then I wasn't good at nothin'. Fat Tony, the old one, the dead one, startin' callin' him that before they even knew me."

"You guys knew each other from childhood?"

"Yeah, well… I met Legs first, when I was about eight or nine. I was real weak back then, actually. Took a while before I found my true calling as soldier and bodyguard." Louie smiled at whatever memories that brought back.

* * *

Legs and Frankie the Squealer walked down the streets after collecting the money from Moe. By then it was afternoon, and the Sun was starting to move lower in the sky. Frankie was still holding onto Maggie, trying to keep her warm in the falling snow.

"I wanna get my new baby a brand new dress," said Frankie, as he tickled Maggie's belly. "I can't have my little angel being cold, oh no I can't!"

"Whoa, whoa, why do you care about this kid so much? And with your… profession, too," said Legs, taken aback.

Frankie clearly did not want to answer, which was just as well, because just then, Legs got a call on his cellphone. He picked up, and it was Louie.

"Listen, Legs, the cops are after us! They want that baby, and so does Moe, for whateva reason. Where are you two?"

"I should've known somethin' was up… he gave up the money way too easy. We're in front of that expensive department store, you know the o—wait, Frankie, what the hell are you doing? Uh, Louie, I'll get back to you," Legs said, and hung up.

Frankie had taken Maggie inside Costington's department store, presumably to get her the dress he wanted. Legs ran in after him, lest he do something stupid, as usual (sometimes, the other mobsters wondered Fat Tony didn't just kill him, already). When Legs went inside, Frankie just seemed to be shopping like anyone else would be. Legs cautiously went over to him.

"So Legs," said Frankie happily, "which is better, a pink dress, or an orange one?"

"Frankie," Legs whispered, harshly, "Louie just called me and said that the cops are after us because of that baby! She wasn't abandoned, and if anyone recognizes her, we'll be sent to jail! How'll we explain it to Fat Tony?"

"Aw, relax," said Frankie. "Everything'll be fine—"

Right as he was saying that, Maggie started loudly crying, attracting the attention of the other people in the store. An annoyed clerk walked over to Frankie.

"Excuse me, sir, but please control your child," she said, and looked at Maggie. "Hm, she looks familiar…"

"Oh, uh, I'm sorry. My little… Angioletta, gets nervous in public when there's a lotta people. Quiet down, Angie, daddy's only getting this one thing," Frankie said nervously. He handed 'Angie' to Legs, and motioned for him to wait outside the store. Legs rolled his eyes, and went outside with Maggie.

After Legs waited outside for a few minutes with Maggie, who still had tears in her eyes (although she wasn't screeching like a banshee any more), Louie and Johnny Tightlips drove up to Costington's in a taxi.

"Why'd you guys take a taxi? We can't be throwing money around willy-nilly!" said Legs, as they were getting out.

"We didn't pay for a taxi, you moron, we carjacked one," said Johnny.

Louie noticed that Legs was holding Maggie. "Didn't you tell the squeala' that she wasn't abandoned?" he asked.

"Well, I did," said Legs. "But he ain't listening to reason, as usual. He actually went into the store to get her new clothes. Johnny, go get him outta there before he gets us in even more trouble."

Johnny mumbled something under his breath, and went inside the department store. Just then, a police car with its siren on drove by, then turned back, their headlights shining on Legs and Louie. Before the policemen could get out of the car, the two mobsters quickly got into the taxi and sped off, with Maggie still with them, the police on their tail.

After they left, Johnny got Frankie out of the building.

"Those two can't wait even a minute before they go off to do something on their own," complained Johnny.

"So… my Angie isn't gonna see her new pretty pink dress?"

"You named the baby, too? Frankie, you know we ain't going to keep her," said Johnny. "Why do you want her so much?"

Frankie sighed. "Normally I wouldn't talk about it," he said, and looked away, "but I know you probably won't bring it up again, since that's your shtick, so I guess I can tell you.

"My wife, Emily, always wanted us to have a baby, especially a beautiful baby girl like Angioletta. But she miscarried three times in a row, and she's too upset to… try again."

Johnny raised an eyebrow. "Huh. I wouldn't think that an idiot like you would actually feel somethin' that deeply," he said.

"I didn't think so, either," Frankie said.


	4. Mistaken Identities

"Alright, Louie, we'll be safe at the loading area at the docks. The cops ain't smart enough to look in a place that has 'inconspicuous' in its name."

"But if it don't work, we have two guns and a knife each, right?"

"Right."

As they were retreating, the sky was turning a lavender color, and the streetlights were beginning to turn on.

Legs, who was driving, almost ran over several people, though still less than Homer had nearly killed several hours earlier. The taxi spun around on the icy road, skidding to a halt just before they smashed into the waterfront mall. The police siren was still audible in the distance. They quickly got out of the cab (Legs carrying Maggie in his arms), and started running down the mall platform towards the Mob's loading area.

It seemed like they had escaped the police, when Louie smacked into Homer, who had his paparazzo camera around his neck.

"Ow!" said Homer. "Hey, aren't you those guys... Fat Tony's goons? Still with the Mafia?"

"Uh-huh," answered Legs, getting ready to start running again.

"Oh, and you adopted the cutest little daughter together! Reminds me of my own little baby. Coochie-coochie-coo!" Homer tried to tickle 'Angie,' who desperately reached for him, making upset noises. When Homer didn't recognize her, she spat out her champagne cork and chucked it at him in frustration. "I guess she doesn't like me much," said Homer. "Does this mean I get to call you _gayngsters _then? Get it, it's because you're gangsters and you're also—"

Louie took out one of his guns, and pointed it right at Homer's face. "What is you sayin'?" he said, darkly. Maggie tensed in Legs's arms.

"Uh, I j-just assumed… you two were always together…and, uh," Homer stuttered. With his hands out, he slowly backed away, closer to the water's edge.

"Louie, what are you doin'? The boss said specifically not to whack this guy, remember?" asked Legs, nervous that this display of violence would attract the police again.

"I know," said Louie, distraught. "But don't you hear what he's insinuatin'? That w-we're… that I'm…" His hold on the gun started to quiver. Homer just kept backing away slowly, like a zombie in reverse.

"So what if he insulted us because he's too much of a dumbass to know what he's sayin'," said Legs. "Is that more important, or is the fact dat he has the last fond memories of our old boss?"

"Well, maybe you've got a point… I never had to worry about getting' concrete shoes when it was just the three of us…" Louie admitted. He slowly lowered his gun.

Homer kept on backing up until there was no more platform left to walk on, and he fell backwards into the water with a mighty splash.

"D'oh!"

Legs and Louie assumed Homer would just float there harmlessly due to his plentiful body fat, so they continued to the inconspicuous loading area, but when they entered it, they saw none other than Moe Syszlak standing there, his shotgun at the ready.

"Turns out the guy I bribe t' wipe my record clear at da courthouse knew exactly where you mobsters'd be," he said, grinning. When she saw Moe, Maggie clapped her hands and made happy sounds.

"Aw, come on," complained Louie. "Why ain't there ever any honor among criminals 'round here, even on Christmas Day!"

* * *

Johnny got a call on his cell. He and Frankie were still outside Costington's department store.

"Why don't I ever get calls on my phone?" complained Frankie.

"Just shuddap and let me see if it's Tony," Johnny said.

It was not Tony. Frankie tried to listen in on the conversation, but couldn't hear it.

"Well, what is it, Johnny? Tell me!" he said.

"Uh… you may not like this," Johnny said. "'Your' baby is being driven somewhere by that meddlin' bartender, and he's stolen one of our own trucks to do it. He's headed our way… oh wait, that him." Johnny pointed to a red and white truck driving past them.

Frankie's face went through several emotions. He eventually settled on a determined look.

"Oh no," said Johnny. "Don't tell me you're having an actual motivation now."

Frankie looked around, and saw that farther along the road, Dr. Nick was getting on his yellow bicycle, apparently not realizing the risk of riding in the winter. Frankie rushed towards him, and wrestled the bike away.

"Hi, Mr. Mobste—"

"Shut your trap, Doctor!" Frankie leapt on the bike, rode about four feet, and fell over, scraping up his lip on the pavement. Johnny walked over to him.

"You dunno how to ride a bike?" asked Johnny.

"I never got off of training wheels, okay?" said Frankie.

Johnny rolled his eyes, but he helped him back onto the bike. He grabbed one side of the handlebar, and ran beside it, until Frankie was going fast enough to balance on his own.

"The truck might get caught up in traffic ahead!" Johnny shouted after him. "You could still catch it!"

"You're too kind!" Frankie shouted back.

After he rode too far away for Johnny to see, Legs and Louie pulled up in the taxicab.

"What's goin' on here?" asked Legs, sticking his head out the cab window.

"Frankie's tryin' to get himself killed again," answered Johnny, who quickly got in himself. Legs, the driver, rolled his eyes and raced after the truck.

Frankie kept following Moe as fast as he could go on his stolen bicycle. His cheeks were burning, and his nose started to run because of the freezing air hitting his face. The other mobsters drove up next to him and slowed their pace. Louie leaned out of the window.

"'Ey Frankie," he said. "You really wanna die, do ya?"

"I'd rather die than live without my Angie!" Frankie answered.

"Suit yourself." Louie pulled the bicycle close to the taxi, and they rushed forward. Ahead of them, Moe saw congested traffic.

"Damn shockwave effect!" he said. Maggie, in his lap, looked up with a worried expression. "I bet there ain't even a gruesome accident to cause it!" Moe looked in his rearview mirror, and saw the taxicab approaching. "Aw, crap. Hold on, desperate times call for desperate measures," he said. Moe stepped on the gas, and the truck smashed into cars on both sides of the road. He looked down at Maggie.

"Well, at least you'll be safe now, Magpie," he said, but when he looked up, he was speeding right towards the front of Springfield General Hospital. He quickly swerved, and smashed into the building.

Moe scooped up Maggie and ran into the hospital, just before the truck burst into flames. He quickly got into the elevator and went up.

The mobsters stopped in front of the wrecked truck. Legs, Louie, and Johnny got out of the taxi. Frankie dismounted the bike, and ran after Moe and Maggie. He manically pushed the elevator buttons, but when that was too slow, he settled for running up the stairwell.

"So…" said Louie, "are we gonna follow him?"

"Yeah, well," said Legs, "we don't want him shoving him offa the roof or somethin' unless we can make it look like an accident."

* * *

Frankie ran up the flights of stairs as fast as he could, despite being in pain. He stumbled several times, and when there were no more stairs, he found a door. He opened it, and saw another door, green and unassuming; the door that led to the roof. Frankie was panting and had a cold sweat on him, despite the cold.

_I just hope Angie's alright, _he thought. _But if she's not… I'll tear the bastard apart!_

He opened the door, and a frozen wind hit in him the face. It was night, and the snow was blowing even harder than before, so he couldn't see far.

The roof had a thick layer of packed snow over it. Frankie trudged through it as fast as he possibly could. He held his hand over his eyes, and saw that on the end of the roof, was Moe Syszlak and Maggie.

Frankie, despite being an idiot, was no stranger to what Moe often tried to do on roofs, on Christmas. Pretty everyone in Springfield knew. Frankie, terrified, ran closer, but Moe climbed onto the edge of the roof, and held Maggie up.

"I want us to be a family! We should both go out together." yelled Moe. "Step any closer, and we both go ova' the side!"

"No! Don't do it!" Frankie pled. "Listen to me, you psychopath! I know what it's like to want a kid that much, but she's much too… too much better than us to die! She's our little angel! Don't do it, please, I'll do anything…" Moe paused, and lowered Maggie a bit, who was holding on for dear life, and looking between him and Frankie nervously.

"Alright…." said Moe, quietly. "I'll let her go, if you throw down your weapons, and promise not ta' hurt us."

Frankie wordlessly took out his gun and threw it into the snow. Moe put Maggie down, began to take a step, then stopped and pulled his shotgun. Frankie put his hands up.

"Hah, you moron!" said Moe. "Then again, I'm a pretty good actor when I wanna be." He cocked his shotgun, aimed for Frankie, and fired. A shot rang out, but instead of Frankie screaming in pain, it was Moe.

"Aw, dammit!" shouted Moe, his face blackened. "Not another misfire!"

Maggie looked up at him, and then turned to Frankie, who bent down and held his arms out.

"Come here, Angie," he said. "I even got you a new dress here!"

Maggie slowly crawled towards Frankie, then picked up his gun from the snow.

"Uh, Angie, that ain't a toy," Frankie said. "You should put it down."

Maggie crawled closer, still holding the gun, and when she got close to him, she held it up to him with a sweet look on her face.

"That's it, sweetie, give the gun to—AARGH!"

Maggie shot him under the right shoulder, and Frankie crumpled into the snow in agony.

Moe wiped the soot from his face. "Aw, that's great," he said. "You learned to shoot even earlier than I did. Let's take you back home.

"Hey, look. a new dress! Why don't we make this a little Christmas gift, huh, sweetheart?"

Frankie was left twitching in the icy cold, tears in his eyes.


	5. Resolution

Sometime after midnight, Homer returned to his house after a fruitless search for 'Springy'. Just before he got to the doorstep, Moe ran up to him, holding Maggie, who was wearing a dress Homer had never seen before.

"Hey Moe," said Homer. "What're you doing here so late? And why do you have Maggie? She was with me!"

Moe was so exhausted, he could barely speak. "Jus' take care-a her," he said, and staggered off. Maggie waved to him. After Moe was no longer visible, Marge opened the door.

"Ugh, Homer what happened to you… Oh, you got lost getting Maggie a Christmas present!"

"Uh, yeah," said Homer, scratching the back of his neck. "That's what I was doing."

"Well, that was kind of you, but next time, bring a map! Oh well, we left your presents unopened, and we saved some leftovers for you."

"Woohoo! Food and presents! It's like Christmas!"

* * *

"So how's he doin'?"

"Well, the doc' says he'll be physically alright, but he keeps sayin' 'she shot me', again and again."

Legs sat down next to Johnny and Louie. By the time they had found Frankie, he had been half-frozen. Now, the other mobsters were sitting in the Springfield General Hospital waiting room; it had been convenient that Frankie got shot on the roof of a hospital.

"I still think we shoulda' used the industrial strength microwave t' thaw 'im out insteada' warm water," said Louie.

"Yeah," said Johnny. "But that woulda' cost too much."

They all just sat there quietly for a while.

"Well," said Johnny, "I guess this cements us as the most dysfunctional 'family' on the planet."

"Well, we can't be as bad th' Simpsons," said Legs.

"You got that right, over here," said Louie.

Looking out the window, they could see that the blizzard had calmed down to a light flurry overnight.

"You know," said Johnny. "Frankie really oughta' just think of adoptin' a kid."

**END**


End file.
